by Joanne Tacuri

I want to believe that I’m completely over you. Until I see the footpath we used to walk on the way home from school. Everything comes back to me all at once, and I feel like I’m about to suffocate. It happened again today. It’s not the fact that we haven’t spoken in years, it’s that I know we will never talk again even if we got the chance. But it’s this wanting, that I find myself yearning for you over and over again. Since you’ve left, things haven’t been the same. There’s been men, but none have stayed. I’ve been walking in the same circles, over and over again. But it’s the footpath which kills me the most. Like a tide; something comes over me and everything comes back. It feels like yesterday, I was waiting for you at the back gates, wondering when you were going to come. Once I waited for 30 minutes after 5th period to walk home with you. But you never came. So I had to walk alone and all I thought about was your clear blue eyes, and how lonely I felt in your absence. I think that’s what killed me in the end. The loneliness. Knowing you were never going to come save me. I think that’s why I did what I did. Because you weren’t there when I needed you the most. When I was going through hell. I thought I was over you. But when I pass the footpath of our high school, everything comes back to me. And then I sink. Because you never came back for me, you just left me to drown.

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